


Now I See

by dreamer_98



Category: Whitechapel (TV)
Genre: Angst, Boss/Employee Relationship, Developing Relationship, M/M, Older Man/Younger Man, Song Lyrics, Workplace Relationship, mild violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-19
Updated: 2012-12-19
Packaged: 2017-11-21 14:28:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/598806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamer_98/pseuds/dreamer_98
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post series 3.  Kent takes an extended leave, causing Chandler to reassess his feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Now I See

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pollitt](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pollitt/gifts).



\---

_I was young but I wasn't naive_  
 _I watched helpless as you turned around to leave_  


\- Lifehouse, "Blind"

\---

A knock on the door brought DI Joseph Chandler out of his concentration.

"Come in," he called, prompting DC Emerson Kent to enter the office.

"Yes, Kent, what do you want?" Chandler asked, not taking his eyes off his paperwork.

The atmosphere in the department had been tense ever since the bogeyman case and the subsequent murder of Morgan Lamb. Her death had taken a toll on Chandler, and he'd inadvertently taken out his grief on the youngest DC in particular. He knew that Kent wasn't responsible for her death; he couldn't have known that Cindy Watney was waiting outside the interview room, intent on exacting vengeance for her husband and son. Even so, there was now a coldness and distance between him and Kent that hadn't been present before.

Kent cleared his throat. "I'm requesting a leave of absence, Sir, and I need your signature of approval." He stepped forward to place the form on Chandler's desk.

Chandler looked up, slightly surprised, before scanning his eyes over the sheet. "I suppose you could use a holiday," he said as he grabbed his pen.

"Actually," Kent interjected, "the leave may be... indefinite."

"Oh, I see." Despite his current feelings towards Kent, Chandler couldn't help feeling disappointed. Kent was a good detective and a valuable asset to the team. He would be difficult to replace.

"I suppose you need to do what you think is best," Chandler said tersely as he signed and dated the form, sliding it back across his desk.

"Thank you, Sir," Kent said quietly as he took the paper and exited the office.

Once he'd left, Chandler let out a sigh of frustration. He grabbed his tiger balm, unscrewing the lid and applying it to rub his temples. Part of him was angry that Kent was abandoning the team, but that soon gave way to a sense of uneasiness forming in his stomach. Chandler couldn't shrug the feeling that he may be in some way responsible for Kent's departure.

He didn't have much time to dwell on the thought before the phone rang.

\---

A young woman had been stabbed on Nelson Street, the victim of an apparent mugging. Thankfully, she survived and was receiving hospital treatment, but Chandler's team wouldn't be able to talk to her until the next day. They interviewed witnesses in the area but no one seemed to have any useful information about the attacker's identity. Chandler holed himself up in his office, poring over the case notes.

DS Ray Miles stuck his head through the door. "You working late, boss?"

"I think I'll go through the file a few more times, see if there's anything I missed." He groaned. "And on top of this, I have to start looking for a replacement for DC Kent."

"It'll be sad to see him go. He's a good officer," Miles remarked. Chandler could only nod in silent agreement. "Well don't stay too late," the DS said as he turned to head out.

"Miles," Chandler stalled him. "Can I ask you something?" In all the time that Chandler had known him, Miles was never a man to mince words. He trusted his DS to always be honest with him.

"Sure," Miles obliged as Chandler gestured for him to close the door and sit down.

"Do you think that Kent's decision might have anything to do with me?"

Miles took a sharp intake of breath before answering. "It's possible, yeah."

Chandler's heart sunk. "I know I haven't been the easiest to be around these past few weeks. Ever since..." he struggled to voice it aloud. "Ever since Morgan..."

Miles raised his hand, assuring him he didn't need to say more. "We've all been doing our best to give you space and let you deal with it in your own way. We know not to take it personally when you get short with us. Kent's just more sensitive to it than the rest of us."

"But why? That's what I can't figure out."

Miles rolled his eyes. He was amazed at how oblivious Chandler could be about certain things. "The kid thinks the sun shines out of your arse," he bluntly replied.

Chandler furrowed his brow in confusion. "What?"

"It's pretty obvious he admires you," Miles explained. "The way he always tries to imitate you and impress you."

Chandler remained incredulous. "He does?"

Miles leaned forward, lowering his voice. "When he first got here, Kent was quiet, kept to himself. The other lads and I gave him a hard time and tried to get him to loosen up. It wasn't until you came that he started to change. He went from wearing jeans and hoodies to store-bought suits. He became more organized, focused, driven. I mean, everyone changed when you took over, but Kent most of all. You've clearly had a big influence on him."

"I... I never realized," Chandler said softly.

"With the way you've been acting towards him lately, he probably feels responsible for what happened to Morgan," Miles reasoned.

Chandler shook his head. "But I don't blame him."

Miles leaned back in his seat. "Maybe he needs to hear you say that."

Chandler took a moment to let the words sink in. He had been so preoccupied by his own feelings that he didn't see that he was driving away one of his best officers. _It's too late now,_ Chandler thought ruefully. He could only hope that he would get a chance to apologize when Kent returned. If he returned.

\---

After going through numerous CVs and tedious interviews, the Whitechapel force finally took on a new member. TDC* Henry Davis was an enthusiastic young man, and the team welcomed him warmly. Everyone except the DI. Chandler liked Davis well enough; he seemed to be competent and a quick learner. Still, Chandler couldn't help feeling like the team was incomplete. He often looked out of his office window, expecting to see Kent at his desk and was disappointed when Davis was sitting there instead.

Chandler began to miss all of the little things that Kent did. Kent always brought him his morning tea, knowing just the right amount of lemon he liked in it. The first time Davis gave him tea, Chandler practically spat it back out after the first sip. _Way too much lemon!_ He also noticed that the incident room wasn't as tidy as it usually was when the shift ended. He later learned that Kent was the one who often stayed after hours to pick up and empty the bins.

Meanwhile, there had been another stabbing, this time fatal. Same M.O., similar victim profiles. Chandler and his team worked around the clock trying to ascertain the suspect's identity. All of their leads ended up going nowhere and the search was straining on Chandler.

The DI finally snapped one afternoon when Davis failed to follow proper procedure. He berated the young man in front of the entire department, accidentally calling him "Kent." After realizing his slip, Chandler mumbled his apologies before storming into his office.

Miles gave him a moment to cool down before entering. “You were too harsh on him."

"I know I shouldn't have gone in on Davis like that," Chandler said as he opened his tiger balm. "It's just the stress of the case getting to me. We've found no connection between the stabbings and aren't any closer to pinning down a suspect."

Miles crossed his arms. "That's not all it is, is it?"

Chandler looked up at him. "What do you mean?"

"You called him Kent."

Chandler flushed. "It was an unintentional mistake."

Miles sighed. "Look, we all miss Kent, but you're obviously taking it harder than the rest of us."

"I'd be upset if any member of my team left," Chandler argued.

Miles wasn't convinced. He doubted that the DI would react so strongly if Mansell or Riley left. "But Kent's special to you, isn't he?"

Chandler sighed as he rubbed his hand over his face. Miles always managed to bring up the very thing that Chandler had a difficult time admitting to himself. "He was the first person to show me any respect when I came on," he recalled. "He was kind to me when I knew everyone else wanted to see me sacked." Miles nodded, thinking back to that time with a twinge of regret. Chandler continued, "I’ve always appreciated his loyalty and dedication, but I never realized until now how much he's done. He's probably out there thinking that I'm angry with him and that I don't value his work. I'd hate to think that he threw away his career because of me."

Miles clapped his hand on the DI's shoulder. "You'll get the chance to make things right with Kent," he assured him. "Anyway, I'm not concerned about him right now. It's you I'm worried about. Are you gonna be able to push this aside and focus on the investigation?"

Chandler nodded. "Yes. No more outbursts, I promise."

Miles gave him a small smile. "Good."

"Thanks, Miles," Chandler said as his DS exited the office. He turned his attention back to work. He still had a lot of confusing feelings about Kent, but he knew he had to put them away for now.

\---

A few hours later, Chandler and Miles headed to the mortuary to get the autopsy report on the second victim. Dr. Llewellyn described the stab wound pattern, noting that the blade used must have been curved, like a small hunting knife. Chandler instructed Miles to get the team contacting local shops to find out who had purchased a hunting knife recently and to cross-check the names with the suspect lists from the first two victims. As Miles headed back to the incident room to relay the information, Chandler lingered behind.

"Is there anything else you need?" Llewellyn asked.

"No, I just... I envy your job sometimes," Chandler admitted.

Llewellyn raised her brow in surprise. "Really?" It was more of a statement of disbelief than a question.

"Apart from all the blood, I mean. I don't envy that," he clarified. "But the way you are able to assess the damage and then draw conclusions. I wish being a detective was that straight-forward."

"Well, that's not always the case," Llewellyn countered. "There have been times when I've examined something for hours, looking at it from every angle I can think of, only to find the answer was right in front of my face all along. Sometimes we're blind to what's in front of us. We can look at something without really seeing it."

Chandler nodded. "Thank you, Doctor," he said quietly before exiting the room. He returned to his office to resume work on the case, but he couldn't stop his mind from recalling what she'd told him.

_"Sometimes we're blind to what's in front of us. We can look at something without really seeing it."_

Chandler was having more difficulty dealing with Kent's absence than he was willing to admit. He'd told Miles that he would be just as upset if any of the others left, but after really thinking about it, he knew it wouldn't be the same.

Miles's voice echoed in his head: _"But Kent's special to you, isn't he?"_

Chandler pondered over why he held the young DC in such high regard. Kent was usually the first to volunteer to visit a scene with him or question a witness. His eyes lit up and he smiled in understanding when Chandler discussed one of his theories, even if the rest of the team thought it was bunk. Kent always appeared genuinely pleased whenever Chandler complimented his work. He was the only one who never gave Chandler a hard time about his compulsive habits and cleanliness. In fact, if what Miles had said was true, Kent was beginning to copy some of those habits himself.

Chandler had noticed a change in their relationship ever since the torso murders and the arrival of DI Mina Norrey. Kent had been distrustful of Norrey and later of Morgan.

He recalled Kent's accusation when he thought Morgan was aiding Luke Watney: _"You can't see it because you don't want to. Because you're clearly attracted to her."_

Had he only been concerned that Chandler's feelings for Morgan were compromising the investigation? Or could his attitude towards her have stemmed from... jealousy?

"My God," Chandler whispered to himself. He had never considered that Kent's feelings towards him could be anything more than a friendly regard. But looking back, he’d been oblivious to all the signs.

Chandler had always struggled with relationships, particularly of the romantic variety. He constantly buried himself in work, trying to push down any feelings of loneliness he felt when he came home to an empty flat. He’d been terrified when Miles encouraged him to take the risk and ask Morgan out, and when he finally gathered the nerve, he ended up losing her. At the time, Chandler took it as a sign that he was meant to be alone. But maybe the person that he'd been hoping to meet, someone who he felt comfortable with and who accepted him as he was, had been there all along.

\---

Fortunately for Chandler, work prevented him from dwelling too much on his newly-discovered feelings for Kent. The case finally began to pick up steam when a local pawnbroker came forward and described a young man who’d looked at several antique knives a few weeks before the first stabbing. Upon further investigation, they found that the man was enrolled in the same local university as the victims. They obtained a warrant to search his living quarters and found a small, curved knife.** He’d been brought in for questioning, and after the lab analysis was complete they would know for certain if it was the same knife that had been used to stab the two young women.

Chandler was preparing to interview the suspect one morning when he overheard DCs Mansell and Riley whispering.

"He’s back in town?" Mansell asked.

"He texted me that he got in last night," Riley told him.

"Where’d he go?"

"I don’t know exactly. He did one of those backpacking, eat-pray-love type things."

"Seriously?"

Chandler interrupted. "Excuse me, are you talking about Kent?"

Riley looked uneasy as she answered him. She had always been very protective of the youngest DC. "Yes, he just got back from a holiday."

It was bad timing, but Chandler feared he may not get another chance. He asked Miles to take over the interview as he grabbed his coat and headed out to confront Kent.

\---

Chandler knocked softly but firmly on the door.

Kent soon answered, surprise evident on his face. "Joe." Chandler was taken aback at Kent's use of his first name instead of the usual "Sir."

"I heard you were back in town. May I come in?" Chandler asked.

"Yeah, of course." Kent opened the door wider and gestured for Chandler to enter. "Would you like a cup of tea?"

"No, thank you," Chandler said as he took a seat in an easy chair. He took a minute to observe his surroundings. The place was small but fairly cozy and tidy for a young bachelor. "I take it you haven't started unpacking."

"I don't have a lot to unpack," Kent replied. "I didn't take much besides the clothes on my back."

Chandler furrowed his brow. "Really?"

"Yeah, I just bought a train ticket and left," he explained. "It was strange at first, but after a while it felt liberating." Chandler noticed how different Kent seemed from the last time they spoke. His hair had grown out longer and he had a slight beard. From the way he spoke to the way he stood, Kent appeared much more relaxed and confident. "So, what brings you by?"

Chandler cleared his throat. "I owe you an apology. I treated you poorly after Morgan died and made it seem like I blamed you for what happened. I was hurt and didn't see that I was making you uncomfortable, even though that wasn't my intention." He paused to catch his breath, looking up to see Kent's reaction. He was focused on Chandler but his expression remained neutral. Chandler continued, "I've also realized that I don't always acknowledge you for all of your hard work, and I don't want you to think that I've taken you for granted. I truly appreciate everything that you've done."

"Thank you, Sir," Kent said quietly, sounding more like his former self.

"I know it was uncertain when you left whether or not you'd return to the force. I hope you decide to come back. Everyone on the team really misses you, and we need you." He paused before adding, "I need you."

The room was silent for a beat, with Chandler looking at Kent expectantly. Finally, Kent spoke up. "I appreciate your apology. And if you'd said this to me at another time, I wouldn't have hesitated. But... things have changed."

A mix of confusion and worry crossed Chandler's face. "How so?"

Kent sat down across from him, forming his words carefully. "When I first started, nobody took me seriously. The rest of the officers treated me like a kid they could take the mick out of, and none of the DIs would even listen to me. You were the first person to believe in me, who actually listened to what I had to say and valued my opinion. That meant a lot to me." Chandler gave him a small smile. Kent took a deep breath before he continued. "Then things started to change when DI Norrey came on to help with the torso case. It seemed like you valued her input more than the team's." Chandler grimaced at the memory. "The same thing happened with Morgan. All of a sudden, you were more concerned about her than about solving the case. I admit that I was wrong to accuse her of foul play, but it still hurt to see you abandoning us to come to her rescue." Kent lowered his voice before adding, "I was jealous."

Chandler could feel his heart beating faster. His suspicions about Kent's motives were right.

Kent continued, "I know I didn't have a chance with you and that you would never see me in that way. It was just easier before they came along to pretend like things could be different. Then she was killed and you shut me out completely. I went back to being invisible, and I couldn't take feeling like that anymore." He stood, walking over to face the window. "The trip was life-changing. I met so many different people and saw amazing sights. I did a lot of soul-searching, and I finally realized that I can't keep living my life to please other people. I have to live in a way that makes me happy. I deserve that."

"You do deserve that," Chandler agreed softly.

Kent turned back to face him. "I don't know if I'm going to come back or not yet. But if I do, it will be on my own terms. It will be because I want to be there."

Chandler nodded. It wasn't what he was hoping to hear, but he knew it was right for Kent.

"They’ll probably be wondering where you went by now," Kent remarked.

Chandler took that as his cue to leave and stood. He was about to head out the door before he gathered his nerve and turned back around. "I will respect your decision no matter what. But whatever you decide, I would still like to see you. Maybe go for a drink or go see a film."

Kent remained silent as Chandler shuffled nervously. It finally dawned on Kent what he was asking, but he had to be sure. "That sounds like a date." Chandler nodded in confirmation. A smile began to slowly spread across Kent's face. "A drink would be nice. As long as it's not at a karaoke bar."

The two men chuckled, big grins plastered across both of their faces. Chandler knew all the reasons why starting a relationship with Kent was a bad idea, but he didn't care. Being with Kent felt right, it felt natural. He was still scared out of his mind, but he was done sitting back and waiting. He'd finally opened his eyes to the possibilities right in front of him.

\---

_After all this time_  
 _I never thought we'd be here_  
 _When my love for you is blind_  
 _But I couldn't make you see it_

\---

**Author's Note:**

> * = Trainee Detective Constable, information from [here](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Criminal_Investigation_Department#Organization).
> 
> ** = The knife would look similar to [this](http://www.medievalcollectibles.com/p-8652-undercover-black-karambit.aspx).
> 
> I apologize for any inaccuracies. Thank you to **celeste9** for her help and encouragement.


End file.
